Couples Therapy
Are you tired of all the fighting?
It seems as if there isn’t a day that goes by that there’s not an argument.
Disagreements about money. There could also be outside influencers such as in-laws, a lover, or friends who don’t support the relationship.
Maybe there are arguments about parenting style differences or who does the most work around the house.
Does it feel you carry the most emotional burden in the relationship? Or perhaps there’s the constant need for one-upmanship.
There’s always something that lures you into an argument.
You feel you are at war in your own home.
A place that’s meant to be safe. Yet, you’re always ready to be attacked. So, you make sure you attack first… always looking for weakness or imperfections in your partner, always going in for the kill, and never allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
One of you always continues the pursuit, and one of you always withdraws. It becomes a never-ending cycle of unrest and discontent.
Or maybe you’re at the point of not speaking unless absolutely necessary.
There comes a point when one or both partners resort to avoidance. There’s no point in even having a mundane conversation about the weather or family plans because it’s destined to end in a bitter argument.
So, everyone in the home, kids included, feel the icy silence between you. The bitter anger is roiling, just underneath the calm-faced façade.
Family members walk on eggshells in fear, hoping to avoid causing or, worse, being involved in another blow-up.
Respect, trust, and acceptance are nearly non-existent.
Respect, trust, and acceptance are the bedrock of good relationships.
Respect for another builds confidence in both contributors and motivates people to be their best and make improvements. Trust brings a feeling of safety and the knowledge that the other person has your best interests at heart. Acceptance is a gift given by those who genuinely love unconditionally, providing a person with the realization they can be their true selves, imperfections and all, and still be loved. Without one of these aspects, love is incomplete.
The loss of respect, trust, and acceptance often meld together. An unfaithful partner causes the hurt partner quickly to lose these three components to love for obvious reasons. Partners who continuously criticize each other show little respect or acceptance.
Even if it’s only once in a while, a dishonest partner will shatter trust in one lie. They can diminish respect and acceptance for every omission or lie they tell.
For example, a partner who feels that what they do should not affect the other, like looking at porn, gambling, or putting friends and hobbies first, damages trust and makes the other feel disrespected and insignificant.
You miss having respect, trust, and acceptance in your relationship. You desperately want a partner who is supportive and “gets you.” You want the relationship you expected on your wedding day.
How can you continue in a relationship in which you can’t trust your partner, feel disrespected, and they don’t accept you for who you are?
The love that once was now seems lost…
It’s lonely…
It seems impossible, but it’s entirely possible to feel utterly alone while you are married… maybe even with kids in the house. And what many people don’t realize is how much energy it takes to act as though everything is normal in your own home. The one place that’s supposed to feel safe is oppressive and dark.
It’s embarrassing…
You might feel like a failure. You and your partner are trying to make it look as though everything is fine to your friends and family, but the cracks are showing as that snide remark during a dinner party sparks anger and tears. You may have begun avoiding each other at family functions. Do you suspect people are noticing and asking questions?
It’s hard on the kids…
You’ve tried not to involve the kids, but they’re involved. Instinctually, kids are prompted to take sides. Maybe they are withdrawing or acting out. You and your partner may not have even noticed the changes, but they are there.
“Do I stay, or do I go?”
Do I divorce… or stick it out??
You flip flop on this decision hundreds of times a day – agonizing over the pros and cons. You could start a new life and leave all the hate and bitterness of this relationship in the past (is that possible?). The lure of being out on your own with no one to answer to seems appealing.
Although you love your kids, the idea of having weekends alone brings you back to the carefree days of young adulthood (is this a horrible thought?). You could find someone new who will love you for you… and hopefully the kids, too.
But then you also think…
Divorce lawyers cost tens of thousands of dollars. Plus, there’s the separation of assets. You feel you are throwing away everything you’ve been working for.
Then, there are the kids. Who will get custody? How does that work? Imagining the holidays the kids are away celebrating at the ex’s breaks your heart. The fear that your partner will find another… and what will the kids think of that person.
If you’re not the breadwinner in the family, there are fears about how you will support yourself. Can you afford to live independently on your current income? If you are the breadwinner, concerns about how much money will be taken out of your check to cover things like alimony or child support.
But staying? You can’t endure this loneliness, anger, and resentment any longer, much less the rest of your life.
There’s one thing you know: There has to be a change.
You either need to leave with your (and your kids’) dignity and emotional well-being intact, or this relationship needs to be fixed.
I know you’re looking for a change. Help is here…
As an expert in couple’s therapy, I can help you figure out which path to take.
I ask questions that will help you decide whether couples therapy is worth trying… or if we should explore separating respectfully for you and your kids.
Together, we will take an honest look at how your relationship has gotten to this point.
For couples struggling with infidelity, I offer a program that will help you process the affair and guide you through the tough decision to stay together or move toward separation.
If you choose to stay together, we work on rebuilding your life together. We’ll explore what we learned from the affair, how to restore trust, how to talk about what happened, and learning to forgive.
For couples whose infidelity has not interfered with their relationship, the process isn’t all that different. We explore the core of the problems that plague your relationship and process why those issues occur. I will ask you questions that will guide you to decide whether staying and working it out or separating is the best option.
The work of staying together includes what was learned from the problems that brought you to therapy, what kind of relationship you truly want from each other, how to restore respect, trust, and acceptance, and talk about your future best hopes and how to get them.
If you choose to separate, we work on how to talk about divorce and move on without further hurt. If there are kids involved, how to talk about divorce with them and maintain a working relationship as you co-parent. If there are no children, there’s still much to process about recovering from a divorce, especially if that was not your choice.
Stop wondering what to do about your marriage and start getting the answers you deserve.
You don’t have to go through this alone.
Right now, whether you realize it, you are already taking a small step toward your best hopes by searching for therapists and gathering information.
Relationships take work. The challenges couples experience don’t just happen overnight, so resolving them isn’t something that’s going to happen overnight.
But you don’t have to navigate your relationship struggles alone. Call me today for a free 30-minute consultation, and let’s see how Couples Therapy could be the next best step for you: (262) 674-7009!